Blog | Laurel A. Basbas, Ph.D.

Change/Growth? Jagged, Messy & Worth the Effort!

Wed, 30 Sep 2015 20:00:27 -0700

New vision, new mindset, new lenses, new language, new neurons. What do these have in common? Well, obviously "newness." Most of us get excited about the idea of new, yet ironically we tend to resist change. I saw a billboard once that proclaimed, "We are all for progress, it's just change we don't like!" But still, new seems to offer a promise, something better, something hopeful.

So how else are these terms similar? What is the promise, the better? Well, psychology, neuroscience, and the Bible offer us the opportunity to see with new eyes, to develop new mindsets, to speak a better language—which can in turn create an improved life, so we can live with vision and purpose. All three suggest we can be transformed by renewing our thoughts—we can react differently (more kindly, more thoughtfully, more intentionally) because we see proactively rather than reacting from our old, unexamined and dysfunctional patterns. We can develop new neuronal networks in a positive direction. We can see, think, and act from a more loving, wiser place within us.

Stop Being a Moving Target!

Wed, 22 Jul 2015 14:22:52 -0700

Did that title get your attention? I hope so. Stop being a moving target—of what? (You may be asking.) Well, clearly if you’re being stalked or the Paparazzi are chasing you, you're ducking and hiding your famous (or infamous) face. If people you want to avoid are pursuing, you shut down the phone, ignore the text, walk a different direction, etc. In other words you become a moving target. We all know how to duck and hide, run for cover, throw up smoke and mirrors, or even hide inside a false self; to obfuscate, to protect and defend ourselves, right?

It is true that most of us have busy, overly-committed, overly-crowded lifestyles. We can't escape the phones, texts, emails, instant messages, social media, and overall onslaught of demands and overstimulation. So we have learned to maneuver and hide. But what if we are so good at hiding, that we lose our true selves? What if deep down in the depths of our hearts we are longing to be (genuinely) seen, understood, known, and appreciated? Can we stand still long enough to let that happen? Can we let that friendship, that relationship, that affirmation, that love find us? Can we chill, hang out, relax, slow down, long enough to be aware of the moment and what it may be offering?

An Immersive and Transformative Experience

Sun, 24 May 2015 11:19:01 -0700

Immersed and transformed! That was the rich and wonderful experience I shared with the precious women who attended the Ambassador Church’s Women’s Retreat the first weekend in May. I was given the privilege of being the speaker for this event, and had come to really like and appreciate the women who were planning it; Breezy, Lisa, Eveline, Cindy and Nicole. (I’ve known Breezy for 5 years; enjoying lively discussions, and driving her nuts begging her to sing for me with her stunning voice.) Still, I was blessed beyond my expectations as I spent more time with these ladies.

The retreat was held at a lovely resort in gorgeous La Quinta, a city on the floor of the Coachella Valley, and almost completely surrounded by the Santa Rosa Mountain range. The atmosphere and beauty was reminiscent of Santa Fe, New Mexico, where photographers flock to take photos in the unique lighting that is famously, “magical."

Speaking of magical! The retreat was that. The girls obviously put their hearts and imaginations into creating a fun, stimulating, safe-place-to-be-real, vibrant experience. The worship was beautiful, each song perfectly chosen, much like a soundtrack that undergirds and amplifies scenes in a brilliantly constructed film. Except it was better than that because it immersed us in the beauty and presence of God! His presence and love was palpable.

An Experience of Extreme Worship

Mon, 27 Apr 2015 13:24:50 -0700

It is good that I didn't make a New Year’s resolution to blog frequently. I would have failed miserably! My resolution was to live in integrity, so I have to tell you the truth! No excuses. It has been a few months since I blogged, and I want to update you on what has been happening. It has been a season of transformations! I finished the endless rounds of editing my book, Broken! To Golden: Transform Your Troubles into Treasures! Your Struggles into Joy! Between proofing ad nauseam, and spending many nights up sorting through the technical difficulties inherent in publishing, I learned more than I ever cared to know about word processing, setting margins, fixing fonts, formatting, avoiding orphans, and a myriad of other minute details. Who knew? The technical, glitchy part was by far the harder part of the journey!

Writing the book was a magnificent love-affair, an experience of extreme worship. It brought me closer to God as I felt His inspiration leading me on every page, in every example. I felt like I was in a rich and wonderful conversation with God through the entire writing! He breathed scriptures for me to use in the chapters, gave me word pictures, parables, and stories to amplify the messages. I loved the journey, because I felt the nearness of His presence every step of the way. It felt intimate and loving. I felt guided, and protected through the storms…yet all the while it was very challenging. I wanted to be sure I heard His voice, got it “right,” did a job worthy of Him. I had friends, and two editors, who primarily praised the book, making only a few suggestions! I was so amazed and blessed. I guess I heard Him!

New Year’s Intention and Integrity

Sat, 31 Jan 2015 12:31:44 -0800

The agonies and ecstasies of the holiday season! That was the theme of my December Message. We focused on developing a perspective of joy—even in the midst of stress and conflict. We attended to the positive, celebratory, and meaningful, rather than submerging into the negative. We exercised intentionality in spreading that joy. In this post, at January's end, I want to look at New Year intentions. How are they going for you?

For me, Integrity has captured my attention. That word has bubbled up to the forefront for 2015. It's a theme for this new year. I hope it can become a New Year's intention for everyone. Integrity is about being honest, authentic, real, undivided, whole and uncontaminated. It is about pursuing a moral compass, uprightness, rejecting falseness, and having an internal consistency. It is vital whether we are talking about the quality of life, the quality of a football game, or the quality of food (keep reading and that will make sense). It is the way to health, wholeness and love.

Christmas Message

Wed, 17 Dec 2014 22:10:02 -0800

I love Christmas! Although I understand it is not in vogue in many places now. I love the celebrations of life, and of the Giver of life. I love the music, the decorations, and the special events. Yet I know that for some, it is a season of painful memories, disappointments, and amplified loneliness. As a psychologist, I recognize that Christmas can be a difficult time, and my patients need extra support as they face family pressures, "anniversary dates" of past hurts, or just feel left out and disconnected. For those hurting, there can be a great divide between the joyous sights, sounds, and cheer—and the tears provoked by the dark side of depression, anxiety, and conflicts intensified in this season.

It is a challenge to live in the in-between—in-between the rejoicing and the sorrow—where there is a dynamic tension amidst the joy, family, parties, gatherings, sparkles, beautiful lights, parades and festivals on one side, and the anguish of loneliness, dread of family conflicts, re-invasion of past trauma, and financial stress on the other.